*opens photobooth to take selfie*
"maybe some other time"
i just accidentally scratched my parents car MY DAD IS SO PISSED OH MY GOD IM AN IDIOT
my mum asked what part was damaged and my dad said ‘well.. my heart mostly’
Omfg I was sitting in a room with a bunch of my aunts, uncles and cousins and my grandma had this weird smile on her face so I asked her what was up and she just looked at me and said “everyone in this house is alive thanks to my vagina”
i fucking hate dating nerds one single time i wore a star wars shirt to see a dude and he was like, “wow are u wearing that to impress me” and i said, “star wars episode 4 was seen by approximately 110 million people during its initial theatrical run in 1977”